1 in 4 couples disagree over retirement spending priorities

Couple talking to a therapist and looking upset
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When it comes to retirement, most couples agree on the basics. But they don't always see eye to eye on the details. 

That's the upshot of a new study by Ameriprise, which surveyed American couples about plans for their golden years. Overwhelmingly, partners were in sync on the big picture: 95% trusted each other on money issues, and 93% shared similar goals for retirement.

But as with so many financial topics, the devil is in the details. Twenty-four percent of partners differed over how much money they'll need to save for retirement, 25% disagreed over how much they'll spend on hobbies and travel, and another 24% split hairs over how much to give to their children and grandchildren.

"Our research shows couples trust one another and share the same dreams for retirement, but that doesn't necessarily mean they've mutually agreed on how they'll spend, save, and give away their money when the time comes," Marcy Keckler, a senior vice president at Ameriprise, said in a statement unveiling the study.

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The study surveyed 1,510 American couples, each with at least $100,000 in investable assets. Most respondents were between 45 and 70 years old and expected to retire within 10 years. Almost three-quarters of the couples — 72% — had been together for more than two decades.

And yet many of these long-term, committed couples were still fuzzy about their finances. Forty-one percent said they had no financial plan for retirement, 39% didn't know how they would recreate their paychecks in retirement and 52% said they had not yet put together an estate plan.

Keckler chalked this up to a lack of communication.

"Some couples avoid discussing these topics because they feel overwhelmed — especially knowing that unexpected events can happen at any time — but putting it off can lead to challenges down the road," she said.

Advisers, she said, can help facilitate those conversations.

"Fortunately, couples don't have to go at it alone," Keckler said. "A qualified financial adviser can help break big decisions into smaller, more manageable conversations that will help both partners feel confident as they work together toward building wealth and enjoying their retirement years."

Many wealth managers agreed with this approach.

"I find that people agree on the big picture because it's easy; the disagreements come in the details because they haven't been discussed," said Carol Fabbri, founder of Fair Advisors in Lakewood, Colorado. "Advisers can offer clients a neutral space to discuss how they feel about these details and often they find out that they aren't as far apart as they originally thought."

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In other cases, partners strongly disagree. These differences come up particularly often, many planners said, over two subjects: travel and children.

"We often hear from women that they want to travel, but men want to stay home and work on projects or hobbies around the house," said Ron Strobel, founder of Retire Sensibly in Meridian, Idaho. "It's also common to see instances where one parent has spoiled the kids, but the other parent has been in favor of letting the kids be on their own financially. Those attitudes tend to carry into retirement and often become more pronounced once grandkids are brought into the mix."

How can advisers help clients resolve these differences — or at least bring them closer together? One way is to simply show them the numbers.

"Showing a client their financial plan can help both to rein in a big spender and loosen the purse strings of a conservative spender," said Crystal McKeon, a certified financial planner at TSA Wealth Management in Houston. "Reviewing where they stand financially can help them realize they shouldn't spend as much … or show them they can have what they want now and still have the retirement they envision."

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Another approach, Strobel said, is to offer "creative solutions" — without tipping into relationship advice.

"One example would be that the spouse who wants to travel can do so without the other spouse," Strobel said. "You don't have to do everything together in retirement. Some time apart can be healthy."

Above all, financial planners can remind their clients that while it's great to agree on their retirement goals, it's also normal not to think exactly alike. Once disagreeing is no longer taboo, couples and advisers can begin to bridge those gaps.

"This divergence is natural, given that they are two distinct individuals," said Hazel Secco, founder of Align Financial Solutions in New York City. "What's crucial is to foster understanding and find compromises that allow them to align without sacrificing their individual preferences entirely."

This article originally appeared in Financial Planning.
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