Dealing with death: Responding to bereavement with patience and grace

Part 2 in an on-going series. Read part 1 right here. 

Death, of course, is a part of life, but what happens when a beloved relative dies and grief is so overwhelming that it's nearly impossible to concentrate on work?

When someone suffers a massive loss in their personal life, it's unrealistic to expect everything will return to normal at the office after three bereavement days, according to Lyndsay Dowd, an executive leadership strategist and chief revenue officer who says it's impossible to separate personal and professional lives. 

"Grief doesn't follow an Outlook calendar, so why do we expect people to bounce back like it does?" she says.

Loss of a loved one affects physical, emotional and financial well-being. Empathy, whose platform helps families navigate the emotional and logistical challenges of loss, found that as many as 94.5% of those who have experienced loss reported at least one symptom of physical or mental ill-health. Moreover, 47% of employees faced at least one negative repercussion at work and 21% dealt with at least three, including trouble concentrating and being less productive. 

Read more: Dealing with death: The toll bereavement takes on advisers

While 62% of workplaces have bereavement policies, 43% offer no additional support beyond time off, according to Empathy. The research, based on surveys of 2,000 respondents who lost an immediate family member in the past five years, found that the average time off offered was 5.6 days, when grief professionals recommend at least 20 days off for recently bereaved individuals.

These findings "underscore the immense impact of bereavement on employees and highlights the critical need for extended support beyond paid leave," Ron Gura, co-founder and CEO of Empathy, said in a release announcing the company's most recent annual Cost of Dying report.

Read more: Empathy' CEO is changing how workplaces respond to death

The grieving process for K2 Strategic Founder Kristine Scheer over the loss of her beloved mother has included short bursts of sadness amid a busy work schedule and doting on five grandchildren, including one who was born 10 days before her mom's death.

"I am certain that he arrived early so that my mom could meet him over FaceTime a couple of times, and that my daughter had the opportunity to share that experience with her grandma," she says. "My mom was really close with her grandkids, and she just had the most special relationship with my daughters, nieces and nephews." 

What she has tried to do is acknowledge and respect her feelings when they arise without pushing them away. She plans to seek grief counseling later in the summer when she's better able to focus on it. 

Allison De Paoli, who was grieving the loss of both parents just seven months apart, took great comfort in knowing that business associates had her back. Each member of her team at one point implored the founder of Altique Consulting in the nicest possible way to retreat from the office and deal with all that she had on her plate. They also reassured her that they had everything under control.

"Sometimes dealing with work is easier than dealing with what's on your plate," she admits. "I noticed that, so I did do grief counseling, which I'm still doing once a month, and whatever tolerance I had for bullshit before, which really wasn't very high, is gone." 

That shift in mindset has surfaced when people are unkind or unhelpful to someone in her personal or professional orbit, including even seemingly mundane customer-service mishaps. As a result, she has gone to bat for allies much harder and faster than before.

Stay tuned for Part 3, live on Thursday.