This is the final part of this 6-part series about benefits professionals who suffered from a loss and have used their experiences to advocate for empathy and change. Read the entire series here:
- Part 1:
Dealing with death: The toll bereavement takes on advisers - Part 2:
Dealing with death: Responding to bereavement with patience and grace - Part 3:
Dealing with death: Healing from the fog of loss and grief - Part 4:
Dealing with death: How medical mishaps gave way to grief - Part 5:
Dealing with death: Expertise helped these benefit pros advocate for a loved one
If there's ever a
While wills and trusts are important,
"In my experience, I have seen a lot of older people who have passed who do not want significant intervention," she observes. "They lived a good life. They're ready. Let them go, and I think there are a lot of families that don't know how to accomplish that."
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De Paoli says there needs to be greater recognition in the workplace that the enormous financial burden of unpaid caregiving primarily falls primarily on women. One of the HR managers at a client of hers retired nearly two years earlier than she anticipated because both her ailing mother and mother-in-law moved in with the woman and her husband.
"Now that doesn't happen every day, but it happens often enough," she says.
Amanda Volner, assistant vice president of broker partnerships for Healthee, whose sister died unexpectedly at age 27, lauds the late Marshall Allen whose book, "Never Pay the First Bill," guides patients
"Listening to him speak and working in this space for a decade, I've learned that you can say certain things to get people's attention and they will do what you need done," she says, "because everything is tied to insurance and protecting the revenues of the hospital or provider system. That's all interwoven."
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It's also important to have conversations with loved ones about death that are considered taboo, or what happens if there's a medical emergency or terrible accident so that their wishes are expressed either verbally or in writing. Without any such discussions about a living will or do-not-resuscitate order, Volner says family members will be forced to guess on what they would have wanted.
"My sister didn't have a will, but she took the time to become an organ donor, and we had lots of conversations about what she did and did not want, and I knew that she would not want to live on a ventilator for the rest of her life," she says.
Kristine Scheer, founder of K2 Strategic whose mother died in late January, believes there's a need for advocacy solutions to drive patients to the right care at the right place at the right time when
"That piece is absent," she observes. "We very much try, particularly our self-funded plans, to have advocacy services aligned with the plan. That's a part of our model, and I want to close that gap through my work."
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While lauding everything that is done on the front end to bring new life into the world and care for birthing parents, Scheer believes employers and the healthcare industry are also failing senior citizens who are dying, as well as younger people who are in a similar situation.
Noting that her daughter lives in Denmark, Scheer has witnessed how European practices in the workplace are much friendlier and supportive. She says it's more acceptable there to be vulnerable and talk about one's feelings when navigating life's challenges.
"The most overarching thing I would say is do not stay silent," she says. "Be the bull. You have to advocate, whether it's you, your nurse advocate, siblings, another family member or a friend. Get that advocacy team together and be fully aligned in terms of how you're going to approach it because when you get into the situation, you're emotionally compromised. You're not level-headed, and you should really be able to focus all of your time and emotions on the person who's on the path to passing."
